How to Navigate High-Stress Situations Without Having Someone to Talk To

If you have no alternative but to handle business on your own, you may feel exhausted or infuriated. You get to watch as everyone else seems to get the empathy and understanding, but when it comes to you…well, people have a variety of responses to this. As someone who was a parentified child from the age of 7, here are the steps I’ve used throughout the years that have allowed me to overcome the challenging circumstances.

1. Create a safe space that allows you to take a moment for yourself.
2. Isolate yourself from the stressors to the best of your abilities and feel all of the feelings that naturally come out.
3. LET THOSE FEELINGS OUT!!!
4. Use a grounding technique, AFTER letting everything out. Some examples include, but are not limited to, breathing techniques, the 5 Senses Method, or Somatic techniques.
5. Use a visualization technique to map out everything causing the stress and any other mental factors that are taking up space.
6. Successfully using the visualization will show you precisely what you will do next. If you need more, rank the responsibilities from what is weighing down on you the most to the least. Make an action plan to handle the matters best while focusing on things within your control.

Creating A Safe Space

If people surround you or cannot leave entirely, find a space where you can at least have a moment to yourself. If it is near impossible, a restroom can double as a place for you to pause if getting fresh air is not an option.

If you are in a toxic household situation, make your room your haven. Your personal space is your sanctuary. When you go into it, you should be able to decompress. If that isn’t possible, please look around and see the first thing you’re interested in. Is it clutter? Is it folding your laundry? Is it dusting? You can start with one activity and see what happens after. Our minds are malleable in ways beyond our understanding, but cleaning our physical space contributes to our well-being when we feel the mind is cluttered.

If your personal space doesn’t need to be cleaned or you’re simply out of spoons (low energy), play soothing music or nature sounds that allow you to feel at ease.

Feel Your Natural Emotions

“What do you mean, just feel emotions? I’m already feeling them and all of them at once! How dumb can this be?!”

This is an exact quote every time I was reminded to feel my emotions. Was that your reaction, too?

Trust me, I get it, but when we are experiencing high stress, our nervous system is dysregulated. To regulate it again, you have to learn what your body and mind need, which you cannot do if you don’t actually feel the emotions that clearly need to get out. It’s vital that you bring it back to the basics. It is natural to be defensive because the changes are that you have plenty of responsibilities, and you can continue to bottle it up and push through it. Right? WRONG! If you could do that, you wouldn’t be reading this post.

Release

Now that you’re done deflecting, here are some ways to break it down to the basics. Whether you were never taught or are in a space mentally that won’t allow you to understand how you’re feeling, here are a couple of resources that I found helpful when I had a dysregulated nervous system. Neither of these is sponsored, but I did like the charts as a visual aid and the free resource.

For many, this concept may seem so simple, but breaking these things down helps those who have to deal with trauma brain. For those who aren’t aware of the impacts trauma can have on the brain, people can have cognitive dysfunction due to their experiences, either directly or from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some common misconceptions are that people are back to “who they used to be” after the event, but what isn’t considered is how intense the experience(s) were, or if the survivor has to still deal with the perpetrator(s), and if they have a support system during recovery.

Everyone is different, but just because the event is over, survivors could be reliving the event via night terrors (think nightmares x10 intensity), their nervous system is entirely dysregulated. They have to navigate through the trauma and retrain their nervous system to regulate their body and mind. Remember that not everyone was taught the proper methods to do this in childhood. Many assume their realities were shared experiences, but as a friendly reminder, your experience is not identical to another’s. There may be similarities, but it isn’t fair to presume or treat others differently simply because they have alternative experiences.

If you are the individual seeking out resources with information or trying to make sense of what you are possibly experiencing, I believe you. I was in that position years ago and conducted as much research as I could to find answers that made sense. I am firmly against self-diagnosing because it is dangerous, but I am in support of someone looking for possible solutions. Access to appropriate healthcare is not easy, nor is it affordable for most of us. I had to make many sacrifices to get access to care. I stand by those who also had to figure out what worked for others to experiment with what lessons may be applied to offer some peace and comfort.

• Step 1: Identify the issue(s) you are trying to resolve.
• Step 2: Find resources that educate on the matter. Whether it is informational books found at your local library or testimonies of those who have expressed their journey in solving similar conflicts. Friendly reminder: When conducting research online, be sure to use credible sources.
• Step 3: Write a note that you can look at regularly as you are doing your research. You may be finding information on what worked for others, but your experiences are different.
• Step 4: Find resources that are accessible to you to help you reach the resolutions you’re looking for. Until access to care is available, it is possible to take lessons learned from others’ stories and apply them to your life.

It is essential to be mindful of the circumstances and the various factors that influence the results. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to healing or working through these conflicts. Just as there are many ways to achieve success, there are also various ways to navigate complex situations. When we have been dealing with the effects of unresolved issues for an extended period of time, we tend to want to rush the results. You cannot skip steps. By doing so, you are risking causing more issues that may likely delay your desired results.

Friendly Reminder: We are popping an unhealthy bubble that has been affecting you for a long time. Let the emotions flow. After all, you are a human being, not a machine. Grieve the person you were, who you could have been, and all of the efforts you have put in to reach this point. It is vital to honor your emotions. This is a crucial step when you decide to move forward. It isn’t about “moving on” and ignoring all you’ve been through. It is about accepting the history and allowing yourself to feel the emotions that you have kept locked in for so long. They have power over you, the longer you delay their release. Grieving allows you to free yourself from those pains and start a new chapter. You are not “stuck in the past” but instead, are choosing to rise above and take your life to a new direction.

Flip The Script

An exercise I often use when I find myself repeating thoughts that do not serve my best interest or align with the lifestyle I desire. This is what helps me and I hope it also helps others.

• Step 1: When you notice the thinking being strictly negative or you feel stuck, take a moment to write it all out or type it into a document.
• Step 2: Highlight everything you released that is within your own control. If you wrote it on paper, take a new page and write a list of everything within your control.
• Step 3: Underline every negative thought you wrote/typed out.
• Step 4: What is a positive shift you could be repeating instead?

Repetition is important. The same way we hear unhealthy mentalities and are taught unhealthy behaviors over a lifetime, we have to be willing to work to flip the script. If you can learn things that are not in your best interest, then you can take the time to learn how to incorporate healthier behaviors and mentalities. Now that you know better, it is time to take accountability.

As you continue to pour the new shift into your mind and heart, you will start to notice subtle changes. For example, in the first couple of weeks, you may not even notice the changes you have implemented until after you begin accomplishing more and being more attentive to your habits. If you do the work properly, then you should be able to notice the difference. Friendly Reminder: It isn’t about eliminating the unhealthy thoughts, but being able to catch when you have them and actively choose to flip the script.

Recreate Your World

When we feel that our current reality is too chaotic or that we no longer belong, it becomes a necessity to make changes. We begin to crave something new and aspire to either be better or achieve more. So how do you know when it is time to make adjustments? When you feel more exhausted than inspired, it is recommended to make some adjustments that help motivate you to work towards a healthier lifestyle.

If you consume media, whether it is TV or media on your phone via the apps, is all of the media you consume helping you grow, or does it make you feel stuck or mentally drained? Anything you do should add value to your life in some way. Whether it is to inspire, empower, or bring you joy and peace. If what you are giving your attention to doesn’t do any of those things, I recommend you reconsider.

When dealing with abusers or toxicity, remember you have to prioritize safety. How to do that:

• Understand their patterns
• Withhold information that may jeopardize your safety
• Let them know what they want to know within limits
• Others do not need to know every single detail of your life or decisions. If someone is only interested in what you’re doing, but not willing to be a part of your success story or show any support, try not giving them any information at all. Keep it private. If they change behavior, it is a possibility the relationship is worth reevaluating. Decide if this is a healthy connection or not.

Friendly Reminder: Who you choose to surround yourself with and the influences you have, whether it is people or media, each play a pivotal role in your success. You are allowed to outgrow relationships. It is encouraged to evolve to the best version of yourself. You only have to make the choices that allow you to grow as a person.

Explore Your Options

Is there something you want to change?

What do you need to do to make these changes happen?

Remember there are systems that you have to navigate through. They are frustrating, but take time. No matter what path you choose, you must account for potential delays. The changes you want may not be on the same timeline. It’s why mentors and coaches constantly encourage making decisions before you are ready. As you do the work, you should start to see progress towards the results you desire.

You can make all the lists and provide as much information as you’d like. Ultimately, what matters is whether, when it comes to the actions that are within your control, you are doing all you possibly can. Hold yourself accountable because that is your responsibility. If you are taking more time focusing on matters beyond your control, that may not be the best use of your time or energy.

From this moment on, I challenge you to hold yourself accountable. If you have made mistakes, correct them to the best of your ability. If you decide to make changes in your life and create a healthier lifestyle, then incorporating the habits I listed above will put you on your way to progress. Congratulations on your new beginning!

I wish you the absolute best of luck on this new journey!