How to Heal From Trauma

Friendly Reminder: There is no such thing as matters being black or white; a variety of factors play a role in the healing journey. Systemic issues also play a major role in the healing journey. These factors are not universal, which is why the process varies and can take time to heal. The more work you choose to put in, the more honest you are with yourself and the professionals helping you, the more likely it is that you can reach your desired goals. There is no magical fix, but understanding the chaotic process can truly make a difference in how one chooses to continue their wellness journey. I am sharing information I have personally used to navigate my traumas, along with other reminders I once needed but never received. Sometimes we need to be surrounded by those who understand and do not judge because no one is perfect. We all make mistakes and go through experiences; if you are doing the best you can, that still counts towards progress.

Be Vulnerable

This may come as a trigger for many, especially given what you may be trying to work through. So let’s go into the immediate specifics that must be addressed before vulnerability is possible.

Finding a safe space to open up with others is actually not the first place to start. True vulnerability starts with oneself. We must learn to feel those emotions wholeheartedly and be able to understand reality. I don’t mean the reality society tends to push onto us, so we can suppress emotions and work our lives away. I mean the reality of what your circumstances are without the influence of others’ opinions. Many people truly believe we should never feel those negative feelings. It is a part of the process that should never be ignored. True healing and growth derive from someone choosing to go through the entire process, regardless of how uncomfortable one may feel. Enduring the traumas wasn’t comfortable and was horrid, why would healing be comfortable?

Learning to be vulnerable with yourself is not easy and can take time. You do not need to be a pro before you can seek help. The main part you do need to come to terms with is this: “I went through something horrible, I’m not okay, and it’s okay for me to need guidance on how to move forward.” Oh, did you think I meant you need to completely change how you process things just to get help when you need it? I’m sorry that is what was taught to you, too. We are able to choose different methods if the ones we were taught are ineffective. I hope you choose to break free from unhealthy methods instead of suffering through it all. As someone who went through this process on her own from childhood, it can be done.

How else does vulnerability with yourself look like? Being able to admit what happened, even if it is as simple as saying, ” I went through a traumatic event.” If it is too much to go into details, please never force it. Therapists, social workers, and other medical professionals are available to help with the process, which may include understanding what happened and how it impacts you. Please seek the appropriate professional for your circumstances. If you choose to seek a mentor or help others. They are not meant to replace medical assistance, but they can be helpful until you can access it. Be mindful of those who make false claims; if they give harmful advice or promote unhealthy mentalities, it can be detrimental to your well-being.

Find Your Support System

I didn’t have one on my journey, but I did try my best to find them. I turned to friends at the time, but the dynamic wasn’t a healthy choice. It isn’t about the people involved; rather, we all had our own hardships to manage, and it was too much for us. I will always be grateful for the limited support during hard times, but the majority of my journey was me figuring it out on my own. I didn’t have people to turn to. I wish I did, but unfortunately, not everyone has a support system. I did whatever I needed to in order to get access to healthcare and immediate therapy. The following are some dynamics and how they may be beneficial:

• Family/Friends
  • They are meant to hold space for you during hard times, but never meant to be the ones to heal you.
    • Make sure you do not place unrealistic expectations on anyone, including yourself.
• Therapist
  • They are meant to help you understand the situation, recurring thoughts, changes in yourself, emotions, and more.
  • It is advised to seek professional help as soon as you can when dealing with trauma. This may not always be possible, but never prolong a process.
• Support Groups
  • A safe space where you can interact with others that may have been through similar circumstances.
    • Allows you to open up without feeling guilty or pressure.
  • Whether in person or online, more groups are opening up across different communities and methods. Find the one that works for you, but do not be discouraged if one isn’t the right place for you. There are plenty of options available compared to before.
• Books
  • I would recommend reading books with caution. Some books may be helpful, but can trigger. If you haven’t worked with a professional to identify, navigate, and move forward with triggers, please be sure to find a therapist or social worker with whom you can read the book. This way, if something comes up, they can provide you with tools.
  • I use fiction as a way to escape when reality is overwhelming, and I simply need to escape.
    • We cannot always be working on ourselves. We need breaks and the ability to live in peace, even when lost in a book.

Give Yourself Permission To Feel Your Emotions

You are a human being. Emotions are a part of us, and feeling them doesn’t make you less than anyone else. Keeping everything bottled up is harmful to your health. Long-term suppression has been known to cause health issues. The longer you bottle them up, the longer it may take for healing. Take baby steps if you have spent a lifetime keeping everything bottled up. Not taking action may lead to feeling numb or empty. It is normal to feel exhausted; you have experienced trauma, and it is a lot to bear, but it does get better! The process is chaotic, but you have to trust it. The longer it takes to start the process, the more intense your feelings may be.

Friendly Reminder: Society tends to teach people not to feel emotions and keep positive, so those around you are comfortable. If you find yourself surrounded by this mentality, please remember you can walk away from those spaces. There are communities choosing not to follow that unhealthy rhetoric, and you are allowed to choose a different path.

Adjust Your Routine

This will look different for everyone because we handle trauma differently. Start with the basics of taking care of yourself, then work your way up as you are able. Attempting to maintain a healthy discipline with our daily routines gives us something to focus on. This will not be easy at first, but take it one baby step at a time. Sometimes the body and mind shut down for a while, but allow things to flow as you need. Once you have the awareness, choose to get back up and pick up where you left off. Sometimes, mentors and coaches can be helpful for this part of the process when therapists or social workers are unavailable. I always encourage my clients to try on their own first, but if they need more help, we explore intervention options together and create an action plan that fits their needs. No matter the options you choose for yourself, remember it isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress.

Understand this is a journey, and there are no shortcuts to healing.

The journey will look different for everyone. Times to adjust vary, and not everything will always help. There may be a period of time when a tool works during one phase but not another. It means you may need a different tool or method for the phase you’re in. For example, I hated journaling for years because sitting with my thoughts was never my issue. When I progressed in my journey, I reached a point where I needed to understand my feelings on matters and see where my mind was going. I chose to try journaling again, and it was helpful during that time.

There are levels to the healing process, and it requires self-awareness and the ability to feel your emotions rather than intellectualizing them.

If anyone promises a full recovery in X amount of time, please don’t believe it. No one can provide a timeline for healing because of the numerous factors at play. I know you’re tired of feeling this way, but don’t let how long it may take prevent you from taking the necessary steps to move forward. If you have read this blog post to this point, you’re either in the process or looking to start the process of moving forward.

From one survivor to another, I am sending so much strength and courage to those who need it.